Return to English 101

While masterfully and artfully attaining my master of fine arts degree, I was fortunate enough to land a paid teaching assistant gig that helped pay the bills. And yet, while I was teaching English 101, it was I who learned the most valuable lesson: I definitely did not want to teach for a living.

That said, teaching had its moments, among which was the running list of students’ compositional bravado circulated among the teaching assistants. I rediscovered this list while cleaning out some ancient archival documents, and so here I present a few selected passages to consider and admire. Grading these papers was, for me, only slightly less unpleasant than the time a sickly student explosively sneezed a fountain of blood and phlegm across the entire right side of my torso. Only… slightly.

Prostitution seems to be a quick fix to financial hardship, but in the long run, it is not the best solution.

These variables make the use of marijuana more usable.

The wall unexpected by the one in pants threw them back, placing him under the man in shorts, but he still has hold of the throat.

A casino right by your home would be fun for the family, if you're of age of course.

People all over the world watch you play sports every year. I know I do.

Today's modern world offers many forms of entertainment for today's youth. Some examples are television, sporting events, books, and drug use.

These riders kept the audience in the seat of their pants.

They get into fights with other people, themselves, or inanimate objects.

For many centuries, humans have used sex as a form of reproduction.

For instance, one of my favorite books is about Matt, a dog "who" does not want to be a dog.

If one is imaginative enough to put aside disbelief in ghosts seeking revenge, as the King in Hamlet does, why can't one suspend belief in professional wrestling?

As she stepped off the curb to cross the street to go to the restaurant, she heard what sounded like a giant burrito slapping against a boneless camel.